2020.
That's the word. We can all agree that 2020 has been a year like no other! The running theme has been Covid and lockdowns on a global scale. On a personal scale it differs for each individual. I'll share some of my thoughts on this year and what it meant to me.
Highlights of 2020
The biggest highlight for me has been growing in confidence and demolishing my comfort zone. After completing my masters I said I want to be doing instagram Lives more. I've mentioned it before (I think) but I had a long running insecurity about my voice and how it sounded and so I would shy away from doing videos and even phone calls. I am glad I have overcome it and that is by gradually pushing myself to do things, such as the Insta lives, to drown out the insecurity. I am also now able to watch myself on a video rather than record and just leave it there. It has helped me tremendously and I look forward to growing more.
Another highlight was completing my Masters! Whew the story and testimony is still loading but I may or may not share on the blog in due time. Just know that I had serious personal issues going on and it was only God that got me through my masters in one piece. Words are not enough to express my gratitude to God.
My last highlight is being comfortable in myself. Like, this is me and I like me. I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses and work on them accordingly. I am not defined by my strengths neither am I defined by my weaknesses. I am more than my weight and more than what I wear and what I look like. I have no desire to conform in order to appease individuals who are not satisfied with who I am at the core of my being. I am also simultaneously working on being fearless. I will talk more on that later.
Challenges of 2020
My mental health. It really suffered at points. A silent monster rearing its ugly head at the worst of times. Talking helped. Prayer helped. And most importantly acknowledging it helped. I also know the signs of when I am sinking so I try to make a note and do self care activities that can help. Sometimes that is sleeping, being still, watching a movie, reading and just good old laughter.
Another challenge has been the age old question of 'What on earth am I here for?' I know the Biblical answer to that but I have had a yearning of there being much more to my life than what it currently is. The death of a close family member also made me think again of the cycle of life and how short it really is. I find myself sometimes stuck in a conundrum of 'live in the now' but also 'be mindful of the future'. I do have a better understanding and so I am walking in that now and the challenge has become more of an opportunity for me to live my life the way God intended me to- for Him.
Lessons learnt
As mentioned before I am learning to be fearless. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Enough of just being on the sidelines; get in on the action too. Send that email, you have nothing to lose. Why am I so afraid of a yes/no or no response? I won't know if I don't try. And try I will.
I have learnt to be able to move on quickly from disappointments. That job you didn't get but you really wanted- move on. Take the feedback and move on. No need to dwell on it. That friendships that didn't work out- move on. Take the lessons and move on from it. Apologise if need be and move on. There are plenty more people in the world to get to know. No one friendship or relationship should have a monopoly or stronghold on your life. That idea that you executed but did not get the desired return on investment- move on. Take the lessons, have a good debrief session and move on. To be able to do this you have to be fearless and also not be afraid of failure. For a long time I have been afraid of failure and that has crippled my ability to try out some things. But that is changing and will change.
I have also learnt to stop being so hard on myself. I had a really good and long talk to myself with the help of the Holy Spirit and it did wonders for me. I choose to no longer hold myself to standards that even God does not expect of me because He knew our shortcomings and made a way through Jesus to help us. Does it now mean that anything goes? No! It just means that I will be more balanced and human in how I view myself. Through this I also realised that nothing defines me in this world- only God does.
What I am looking forward to in 2021
I am looking forward to whatever it is that God has in store for me. Right now I am stuck between writing goals and also not being disappointed as some goals were not achieved. So instead I will write goals for what I can control- for the most part and than a prayer list for things that only God Himself can do. I look forward to my career starting in earnest and sharing a testimony of that sometime soon. I look forward to having a book out because it has been a long time coming. I look forward to being more financially free because that is one area that I want to and must grow in. Closely tied to that is making good viable income from my writing. In case you didn't know I do provide writing services so yeah, hit me up. I am strongly holding unto Genesis 18:10
Then one of them said 'I will return to you about this time next year, and your wife, Sarah will have a son!' Sarah was listening to this conversation from the tent.
Of course I am not talking about having a child this time next year as I am not yet married.I am however talking about God doing things that only He can do within the space of a year. His favour. I am looking forward to the manifestation of His word. My current season has been a challenge and this year has been one of survival but I am trusting God that next year is my reaping season.
How about you? How was 2020 for you and what are you looking forward to in 2021? Let me know in the comment section below.