Hey everyone! How’s it going? I’m back again with another cautionary life tale. I’m writing this especially for the single Christian sisters as whilst I was not affected at all, I could easily imagine how someone else could be misled.
It all started on a social media platform last year but I was not so enthused as for starters the person lived in another country. Communication was on and off and then this year it was a bit more consistent. I don’t know about you reading this but if a guy is talking about marriage and is showing interest in matters of the heart then it’s natural to assume that they are possibly seeking a relationship. Am I right or am I right? Because that was the case from the jump though as I mentioned before I was lukewarm due to distance.
So, after a conversation later this year, interesting things come out and it turns out that he really likes his best friend and would like to marry her.
This does not tally with what previous recent conversations seem to suggest. And no, it was not a one off conversation but a culmination of others that had hinted and clearly expressed romantic interest. We’re all grown and we all know when a guy is hinting at something other than friendship.
I was amused and found it very interesting. I really thank God that I wasn’t emotionally involved. I decided to tell him that he should be careful in how he approaches other women if you already have your mind set on someone as you could possibly be leading someone else on. The response was hilarious, really. Something along the lines of ‘Are you serious?, You thought I wanted a relationship?’
Obviously I set the record straight and made it clear that I was not interested either. I did however put myself in the position of another lady and could see how someone can easily be strung along. I’ve heard such stories before and I can really see how it can happen and I thought it my duty to let the person know as a sister in Christ. The person now went on to talk about how ‘my perception is my reality’ before giving a nonchalant apology.
So, where am I going with this? Christian guys have got to do better. Really. And I’m not saying this off the strength of my experience but also speaking to other sisters confirms it too. Of course it is not all guys but I am addressing the minority (or is it a majority?) that deem it acceptable to string a sister along the lines of a pseudo relationship that ends up with him saying ‘We’re just friends actually’. It’s disgusting to say the least and if it was two years ago I most likely would have fallen hook, line and scripture with the lies that this guy had said amongst presenting himself to be a spiritual person.
I’m not here to judge anyone but I believe there is a standard in how you approach God’s daughters; if you have no intention of marriage stop talking about marriage with her. Stop providing a false sense of reality by the words you say. After doing all this you will then turn around and feign shock when surprise surprise, she actually believes that you are seeking a relationship with her. It’s a disgusting way to play with a person’s mind because you have them really wondering if it was all in their mind when actually it was all a reality- a false one at that.
If you have been in such a position as a lady and actually became emotionally involved I’m here to tell you that you’re not crazy and it most certainly was not in your mind. I’m not talking about a scenario where you are painting an image of marriage in your mind where you provided the paintbrush, paint and paper. I’m talking about where the guy painted this marriage vision all by himself, sold it to you and you bought it. Forgive, forget and move on because there are plenty more serious brothers who will be honest and upfront from the start.
And guys? Stop it. Just stop it. You are better than that. I get it, maybe you want to ‘hedge your bets’ , ‘play it safe’ or whatever but I know there is a much better and holier way to do this. I can’t sit here and say I’m all clued up on this dating/courting/ whatever you want to call it process but I do sit and think about WWJD-What would Jesus do and I think it’s high time that we all do the same too.